snakelikecharmer:

parisjemm:

A relationship is like a house

If a lightbulb goes out, you don’t buy a new house, you just change the lightbulb.

Unless that house is a lying whore

Then you burn the fucker to the ground and buy a better house with lights that you can fucking count on.

This took the best possible turn.

324,922 notes

altonym:

Beer honestly just tastes how I imagine urine to taste it is so rank and people are always like nah try this because this is special Beer and then it’s like oh ok urine with cinnamon in it great

49,571 notes

ghostdusk:

The only things I like about myself are my butt and sense of humor.

42 notes
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